Grappling Redux

OK, I’ve been called out on my crappy updating ways, so here’s my attempt to make amends.  I’ve just had such a boring life lately!

After about a six-month hiatus, I went back to grappling today!  Yay!  This was inspired by many things, but largely by my brother challenging me to a grappling match, so I need to get back in form for the Very Exclusive Mason Family Tournament, scheduled for Whenever We’re In The Same Room Next.  We can make t-shirts!

After six months, I have forgotten so much!  But not everything, so that’s good.  I even totally won two rounds of rolling.  One was the rear naked choke, my eternal favourite choke.  The other win may not count completely, because I had to get my rolling partner to talk me through the last half of the choke.  I was almost there, I had her pinned, and then I made her tell me how to finish because I suck and Angela is so nice.  Other fun thing: while practicing chokes I was trying to remind Angela to grab my head, but I was already kind of choking, so I couldn’t say anything, so I just kept hitting myself in the head, and she was like, “Are you tapping?  Did you forget how to tap?”

I continue to kickbox, of course.  I’m sort of getting to the point that I’m getting way fewer bruises, and the bruises I get are way lighter, which I know means I’m getting more hardcore and conditioned but also kind of sucks because I want my damn trophies.  I am in pain, why can’t I get my props?

In other, desperately important, news I have started putting blueberry liqueur on vanilla ice cream, and it is pretty much heaven.  The moral is, always do everything a booze salesman suggests.  I have never been lead wrong, in all the one time I’ve done this.

I feel confident in my ability to fight 3/4’s of an octopus

So, I’ve been a lazy lazy-bones for the past little while.  This is why God invented RSS feeds you can ignore until a person gets her act together and updates again, I guess?  Whatever!

I went for a long weekend to Ottawa with the lovely Miss Katherine, and in one drunken moment claimed that I could fight most of an octopus.  I think because eight legs is, like, two people?  Limbs-wise?  And two-on-one isn’t really fair, but maybe I could do slightly more than one-on-one, so I guess, like, I could fight all of one guy and another guy’s arms or something?  Which equals 3/4’s of an octopus?  Look, I was drunk.  Ernest Hemingway once said that you should actually do everything you claimed you would do while drunk, just to teach yourself to shut the hell up.  So on the advice of Hemingway, I guess I’ll be heading to MarineLand with my boxing gear and some octopus-grade handcuffs.

Do you guys want actually fightin’ news?  The other day was “get hit in the face” day, where you put in your mouth guard, put your hands up, and get hit in the face over and over for three minutes while practicing the elusive art of Not Blinking.  It’s funny to do because your partner keeps checking if you’re OK, so you keep assuring the guy that’s hitting you in the face that you’re cool while maintaining this unavoidably crazy Not Blinking game face.

I had karaoke shenanigans the other night!  It was my first time at karaoke, very exciting.  I sang Werewolves of London, because I am only interested in songs where I get to howl, apparently.  Also, I’m one of those “only knows the lyrics” people, so I don’t actually know the titles of, like, any songs, unless the title is in the chorus.  Lessons learned from karaoke: put you’re name down early.  I put mine down late and wound up waiting forever.  I would’ve sung more, but I was ready to leave by the time I finally got up.  So, learn from me, karaoke virgins.  Also, people misspell things, so don’t give up.  It may be under “Wherewolves of London” after all.

Bootcamp’s back, baby!

First day of bootcamp today!  Yay!  I have been such a lazy loaf lately, I am very excited that bootcamp is happening just precisely when I need it most.  So, yes, you all can look forward to me gushing about the terrible things I do outside all summer long, shouldn’t you come too?  Today we were out in the cold, windy rain, which was pretty nice when things started heating up.  It got a little ridiculous when the wind started knocking over all the cones as we were running through them, though.  Usually there’s a penalty for knocking over cones, but about 75% of the time it was the wind, make the damn wind do pushups.  Running around in the mud was entertaining; I came pretty close to one faceplant.  I was more worried about getting unfortunately intimate with a cone, really.  Then there was crawling in the mud, with my old nemesis, the inchworm (this video doesn’t have the 1-5 pushups we enjoyed).  And then a bunch of other stuff.  I’m not here to explain every single thing, I’m  just here to say it was super-fun and awesome and I loved it and missed it so much!  And my hands were basically numb by the end because holy crap it is cold today.  Why, June, why are you doing this to me?

Went out to a birthday bar thing with a bunch of people I haven’t seen in ages/ever last night.  I was determined to a) not get drunk, because hungover bootcamp sucks, and b) eat something ridiculous, because fat bootcamp is completely acceptable.  As such, I wound up with a hamburger with, like, everything on it and then some, including onion rings.  This is a meal that you can enter a bootcamp with, head held high, stomach heavy.

Kickboxing last night!  We practiced how not to get kicked in the head/what to do when kicked in the head.  This involved a lot of spinning on the kicker’s part, which is always super awkward.  It was a good opportunity to rehearse that awesome spinning backfist with which I am passingly acquainted, because that is the thing you can generally do when spinning anyway.  Also, and more importantly, there was a toddler sitting in on the class who was acting out the moves as we were doing them, and it was the cutest thing in the world.

Senseless Monkey!

Started my fancy new job this week as a census monkey!  Technically, my job is Enumerator, but that doesn’t really mean much.  I feel that census monkey is a lot more evocative.  Basically I just go to the doors of people who did do their censuses and point out that they didn’t do their census, hey, what should we do about that?  I am, like, three days in, but it’s pretty good times so far; I like talking to strangers while holding a clipboard.  I had to take a pretty hardcore privacy oath (6 months in prison!), so I can’t blog the undoubtedly exciting confidential information I’m gathering.

I managed to elbow Kickboxing Erika in the eye on Friday.  I felt the squish and everything!  Gah!  I started pulling back at the last second, so it really wasn’t hard, thankfully.  Earlier, she punched me bare-knuckled, full on the head.  These were both during defensive drills, so it was fault of the strikee, not the striker.  We were both just having a particularly stupid day.  Stupid to the point of, during one drill we got halfway through then just stood there, staring at each other for a full thirty seconds because we couldn’t remember who went next.

My dad came up today, and for Father’s Day I made him put a basket and a rack on my bike.  Haha, I have such a nice-looking bike, and the rack and basket came from a yardsale and are attached with metal tape stuff and look like total crap.  Fun fact about me: about 90% of what I own was free, and also I have no aesthetic shame.  “Concept?  Matching?  Whatever, if I get the bike for free, then I can afford leather boxing gloves.  And an extra yoga class!”

I had a fun bike adventure that didn’t involve actually driving it at all!  I always kept it locked to a tree behind my apartment, and I got home the other day and the tree had been cut down, and my bike was gone.  The part of my brain that does logic said, clearly, the landlord had cut down the tree and put my bike somewhere safe and I just had to call him and everything would be cool.  But the part of my brain that is frankly way more fun at parties immediately thought, holy crap, some thief loved my awesome bike so much they cut down a WHOLE TREE to get it holy crap!  It was totally the logical first one, of course.  The cool-ass part of my brain is never right.  I’m pretty sure that’s reality failing to live up to my standards.

The Bruce Lee School of Culinary Arts

Went to a surf n’ turf party the other night.  A surf n’ turf party is a party that starts out as a lobster bake, but grows to include a number of people who don’t eat lobster and so show up with steak.  I was a steak person, because I am a terrible Nova Scotian and I hate lobster (more for the rest of you!).  This was a kickboxer’s party, and ridiculous things tend to happen at kickboxer’s parties when things need to get tenderized.

The best thing is, it was the most tender steak I’ve ever had, swear to God.  Possibly because I beat it way longer than was necessary, because punching things is an act of joy for me, but still, man, good steak.  I highly suggest that every serious chef procure, as a matter of a complete kitchen set, a martial artist.

I partnered with Phil in kickboxing yesterday, and that was very good because he really kept me on my toes.  I was dropping my right hand, as is my stupid tendency, and Phil just hit me in the face to remind me to not do that.  I returned the favour, because this is what good partners do (for real).

Biking is going well.  I tried biking in a skirt, while wearing shorts underneath, just because I was sick of always wearing jeans.  Alas, the skirt did eventually get stuck in the spokes.  There is probably some trick to skirt-biking where I bunch it all up and look ridiculous, so maybe I’ll just stick with jeans and shorts and blah blah blah.  I do love my pretty skirts, though.

Gradumacation!

I had my convocation on Tuesday!  Officially a Master of Library and Information Studies, whoo!  It was pretty much what a graduation ceremony is, main surprise was when they let me keep the fancy Masters hat.  Totally giving it to the nephews, because small children in grad gear is freaking adorable.  Now I suppose I can’t call myself a grad student, merely an unemployed fightin’ enthusiast.

I got a bike!  I thought I might be too skittish to ride on the city streets, but it turns out I’m more foolhardy than terrified, as usual.  (Shannon Mason: “More stupid than scared, but she does have fun.”)  Fast bike goes fast!  Down a hill, whoosh!  Then I huff and puff up the hill, because I may practice kicks to the head recreationally but my leg muscles really aren’t used to this pumping action after only two days.

An observation in kickboxing last night.  If I ever were in a street fight, I would probably apologize to my opponents every time my form was off.  “Sorry, that knee really sucked!  Here, let me do it again.  Can you tell me if I don’t turn my hip over?”  Alternately, perennial teacher Kickboxing Erika would be giving tips to her opponents.  “Wait, wait.  If you bring up your left hand while coming at me with that right cross, you can protect your face from my counter.”

CLA Insanity!

I have had a sufficiently insane week to last me for a while.  I wound up volunteering for the Canadian Library Association’s 2011 Conference as Classy Erica’s photography assistant, which meant I went to every single event and wrote down every single person’s name, pretty much.  The basic gig was writing down the names of people in Erica’s photos, and it was so incredibly fun, you guys!  I got to go to fun events from daybreak to sunset for free and hang out with Erica.  I spent the entire four days pretty much living off of trade show cookies, because those are really easy to grab while you’re running around, but at the end of the fourth day this kind of leads to a stomach ache.  Anyway, librarians are incredibly nice people, photography looks a lot like networking, and my advice, you awesome people, is to always say yes to everything, because sometimes this leads an unemployed loser to the VIP party.  (Also, if you can pull it off, try to wander past Erica at the precise moment she’s looking to grab a person for the sweetest, craziest volunteer gig possible.  This is the moneymaker.)

I’m trying to think of what the hell else I’ve done, but CLA sort of filled up my brain for the past little while.  In kickboxing last week we practiced a lot of clinch stuff, which is always fun.  Clinch with the big boxing gloves on is a huge pain, especially when you’re in a clinch and trying to get your hands between your opponent’s arms.  It’s incredible awkward and you get all scratched up by the velcro on the gloves, but that’s how it is in the matches, so it’s how we must practice.  Anyway, knees in the clinch are a ton of fun!  We were trying knees when you’re the one being held in the clinch.  It’s a “I’m just going to keep hurting you until you let me go” kind of thing.

Watched UFC 130 at Bubba Ray’s the other night, but I’ve been up early so much for the conference I was practically asleep by the main event.  It ended in a rear naked choke, which is my favourite choke, and I didn’t even notice or care, I was just ready for bed.  Struve vs. Browne was my favourite fight, anyway, because it was a 6’7″ guy against a 6’11” guy and I was imagining Tokyo all around their feet.  Seriously, how do weight classes even work with guys that tall? I’m pretty sure Struve was trying to use the edge of the cage to armbar Browne at one point, they’re both so tall they were just towering over it.

Ugh, my apartment really needs to be tidied.  I was running in and out of it so quickly all this week, just throwing everything down, and yesterday was “rest” day, so today is the day I’m pretty sure I have to actually clean and stuff.  Yuck.

Jane’s Fighting Ships

This is my favourite new title for a book.  And there are several dozen books called Jane’s Fighting Ships, so I’m a pretty happy person right now.  It really just has pictures of military ships, but the title is great.  I’ve started work at the MMA Library!  I like to imagine it’s actually a mixed martial arts library.  Really, it’s the Maritime Museum on the Atlantic Library, where I am spending a few weeks hauling and unpacking boxes after their renovations.  The boxes are all labelled MMA Library, and that excites me terribly.  Now I really want to start a library dedicated to cataloguing sweet, badass moves.  I think I would be uniquely qualified!

The job is fun!  I get to tour the museum for free, which proves that I will take the least logical route to touring a museum (I toured the Art Gallery for free when I did library work for them, too).  I also get the inside scoop on ghost stories!  I learned that I know, like, way more about maritime issues than I thought I did.  And now I know more!  Sweet~

Moving boxes and hunching over books is invigorating, but hard on the back.  I’ve been taking a few breaths to do Wheel Pose in the stacks when I start feeling too caved in.  A quick stretch during physical work it totally legit, but it occurred to me that Wheel is probably one of the stranger looking poses to be potentially caught in at work.

Kickboxing update!  I learned a sweet new kick on Tuesday.  It’s a jump-back kick, or something, I didn’t catch the name.  Basically you stand right in front of your opponent, touching him, then you leap back on your front leg and use that force to propel your back leg forward into a really hard kick.  It feels great to do, it’s fast, and it works from punching range.  It’s a little hard to control and definitely needs more practice, but I love it to bits.  I was doing a snap kick, which was easiest, but Ray was demonstrating that you can do it with anything up to and including spinning back kick.  I think I need to practice just leaping up and spinning all the way around with one leg before I try to add a kick on there.

Because of the ways we were kicking each other, I now have a perfect, round bruise on the top of my wrist, right where my watch sits.  Just thought you should know, because my bruises are my precious children.

After about a month of rain, I finally bought rain boots.  It has now stopped raining.  Ya’ll can send me whatever cookies you like.

I had a conversation a few days ago that made me laugh.  Jill and I were complaining about how, in Nova Scotia, it’s impossible to find a bottle of wine for under $9, even the stuff that’s on sale, and doesn’t that suck?  After a pause, Jill was, like, “This is a real ‘developed world’ problem, isn’t is?”  Anyway, that cracked me up, and I wanted to share it with all of you.  And now I have.  Bam!

MMA Days!

We had the greatest kickboxing class.  MMA class!  This is, Mixed Martial Arts, which is what UFC is all about.  Basically, it’s mixing grappling and kickboxing, in this case kickboxing while on the ground.  So first my partner, a big guy, sat on my chest while I punched up at him for at least three minutes, I couldn’t see the clock but holy crap it’s hard to punch up.  I had to keep moving around, too, and trying to bump him off, which means basically bucking up with my hips to try to get him off my chest.  The poor guy wasn’t very used to grappling, though, so I had to remind him a few times to be really heavy on me and actually have his full weight on my chest.

Next!  I got to sit on a heavy bag and punch down on it.  So much fun, not even kidding.  I always wondered how the UFC fighters threw proper punches on the ground, since they didn’t have the full range of motion, but you can really get your hips going!  I now love hammerfists, and I only just discovered them in that exercise.  Also, we did an exercise where we laid on the ground and scooted in a circle on our backs while kicking right up into a front kick.  Basically, kicking the person in the face before they try to get past your legs and into your person.  These are the lessons that will get me confused in grappling class.

In another day entirely, I finally went to a co-ed grappling class!  And I even rolled with a man!  Very exciting!  (Although, when I explained it to Classy Erica, I phrased it, “I went with the men!  Now my knees are so bruised.”  I need to get better at saying things.  I am covered in awesome new bruises, is my point.)  We played a great game called Bulldog, which is sort of like Red Rover with your eyes closed and also violence.  Hard to explain quickly, but it is full of testosterone and badass and I enjoyed it.  I hope to play it more once I get better at it and the guys know me better and are more willing to tackle me.  The learning part involved a lot of really fun take-downs that I can’t remember the names of, so I can’t link to them here.  The important part is that I remember how to do them (I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW TO DO THEM).

Yesterday was my pre-mother’s day visit with Mom, an event celebrated with sushi (every event, people, I am telling you, sushi).  Then, a party with Sam, where I was sociable and talked to people I didn’t know, which was “everyone other than Sam”.  I was competing with other partygoers, to see who knew the fewest people there, and I was the proud winner of that game.

Today I got a last-minute invite to see the play Top Girls, which is seriously awesome and I love it.  The first, long scene could probably just be the whole play, although the rest is worth watching, too.  I have learned about several badass historical ladies I did not know about at all, how terrible is that.  Lady Pope?  How did this chick escape my notice for so long?  Yes, she’s legendary and probably not real, but I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I choose my reality based on it’s fantasticness.

A Kick in the Face is Better than None

Aw, this is my last update from this particular reference desk you folks will ever get!  It is completely dead here, because exams are over and it’s the long Easter weekend.  Let us hope I get even one question.  But the memories!  The memories of all my lovely questions!  Oh, such cherishing.

I have had some good times in kickboxing this week, let me tell you.  I got kicked in the face!  It was a complete accident on Rosie’s part, of course, just a matter of missing the pad and hitting my jaw, but it was a hard kick and everything.  It was during drills, not sparring, so it’s not like I messed up by not dodging or blocking.  I was supposed to be in the kick’s way, just a foot and a half lower.  Anyway, I am totally stoked over this.  Kicked in the face = officially hardcore.  Poor Rosie kept apologizing, because what else can you do after you kick someone in the face?  I would feel completely horrible if I did that.  But I got kicked, so I’m just aces.  Anyway, my reaction immediately after the kick was strange.  About five seconds of being completely fine, followed by thirty seconds of freaked-out pain, followed by being completely fine again.  I think in a fight, I’d hit back during those immediate “completely fine” five seconds, and the adrenaline would carry me through the painful part.  I know this is probably common knowledge, but it’s the first time it’s happened to me, so I’m all intrigued.

On Friday, we did a whole bunch of kicking.  I don’t know if you know this about me, but I have a simple dream.  That dream is to one day become Anderson Silva.  (IN CASE IT’S NOT CLEAR, SILVA IS THE ONE WHO WINS THE FIGHT.  THAT’S THE ONE I WANT TO BE.)  As such, face-kicking practice on Friday was a crucial part of that goal.  I mean, getting kicked in the face is badass, sure, but at a certain point I would like to win fights in very cool ways.

Bootcamp on Saturday morning!  We did some insane thing called plyometrics.  Wikipedia with it’s fancified letter-words doesn’t get across what plyometrics is, which is jumping.  Jumping a lot, in strange, inhuman ways, while being assured that anyone can do anything for thirty seconds.  A really hard one, but probably my favourite for the “fun factor”, are called rock stars (found as the first workout of this video).  Seriously, you pretend to be a rock star, jumping as high as you can while whaling on your guitar.  The arm motion is completely superfluous, it’s just good goddamned fun, because if you’re already jumping that high, then you might as well air guitar.

Went home for Easter dinner and had Easter dinner times.  It was also part birthday dinner because my birthday is next week.  Whoo!  I got Easter chocolate and birthday chocolate.  Pretty much the best day ever.  I also got cool new sneakers, because working-out people are supposed to get new sneakers every six months and I’ve had mine for almost a year.  And they were falling apart, too, so I guess it’s true.  Anyway, mine are awesome and black and comfy and you guys, I have a confession, every time I get new shoes I imagine myself fighting crime in them.  Cool black sneakers are sort of ideal, and big boots, but it gets a little ridiculous with, say, sandals or high heels.  I started this habit pre-kickboxing, too, so we can’t even blame that.