Monthly Archives: July 2010


I had my last hulahoop class of the summer today, so it’s time to move on to a new project.  I’ve decided on: lucid dreaming!  It all flows so nicely, right?  I know, you may think this is because of that movie Inception, but it’s really not.  Well, indirectly, but just because the movie is probably the reason the New York Times ran this really cool article on nightmares, which reminded me of a lucid dreaming book I read when I was thirteen, and NOW is the time to act on it, goddammit.

(This is what happens when you people leave me to my own devices for an entire lunch hour.)

Anyway, the advice in the book was this: draw a C on the back of your left hand with permanent marker (or on tape on your hand for you “losers” who don’t “poison” in your “blood”).  The C stands for Conscious, and every time you look at it, remind yourself that you’re awake.  The idea is that, eventually, you’ll start noticing in your dreams that you don’t have the C, realize that you’re dreaming, and BAM, you’re lucid dreaming.  I remember it actually started to work when I was a teenager, but I stopped because I kept waking myself up when I woke up in the dream.  So I’m trying again.

Now!  I’m taking dream requests!  If/when I start lucid dreaming, anyone have anything they think I should dream about?  The tough thing about lucid dreams is figuring out what to do once you realize it’s a dream.  Yes, the flying is obvious, but I can’t help but feel there’s so much more out there.  So, hit me with your best shots.  No reasonable offer will be refused.



Filed under cool things

Lowbush Pride!

Did you know (DID YOU?!) that highbush blueberries are now being grown in Nova Scotia? Does this fill you with sorrow and rage? If so, you’re probably me, because I’m the only person on Earth who actually cares about this. But still! I really do think the prettiest colour ever is the colour of a wild blueberry field, but Google image search is failing me now. I’ll take a picture for you guys later, I totally swear!

Anyway, I really want to get a t-shirt that says ‘lowbush pride’ and wear it to the grocery store. I will meet the most delightful people this way.

I bought lavender maple syrup the other day. At first I thought, “What should I put this on?” This has really evolved to, “What shouldn’t I put this on?” The answer is Nothing.

In other news, I got an “awesome bootcamper” shoutout from my bootcamp instructor, because I’m awesome.

I got my bike! I’ll be taking it to the streets, soon! Be on the lookout for my obituary, is what I’m saying. My headstone shall say this: Time for cheesecake.

Last hulahoop class of the summer, tomorrow. But Monique said in fall she’ll have a yoga/hulahoop class on a morning I’m available. That really just sounds crazy enough to work.


Filed under bootcamp, exercise, stupid jokes



I was totally minding my own business and my button fell off (right in the vital boob-zone) and it would’ve been disaster is SOMEONE hadn’t suggested I carry a sewing kit around in the emergency prep kit that is my bag and now I am modestly reclothed like the good fake Amish thing I am and it’s all thanks to you YAY!

(I’m totally on break now so updating at work is kosher.)

In other news, yesterday at bellydancing we played with the veils and I’m tots buying a huge piece of silk on my day off tomorrow and running around with it at the worst possible moments in life/the parade, maybe?

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Filed under dancing, great ideas

I actually have a life.

Man, this month I’ve had almost no free time, and I’m loving it! I’m already lining up crap for August. Anyone care to join me for a burlesque workshop?

Hulahoop today, and I finally got the trick to grabbing the hoop off my waist, up over my head, spinning it up there, then getting it back down on my waist. I’m not good at it yet, but I can do it. I will focus on the positives, goddammit!

OK, so I made a delightful joke at work today, and nobody paid attention to me, so I’m writing it here because I am DELIGHTFUL. I think FAQs should have a question that’s just GRAAAAAHHHHGGRRBBLLRG!!!! And the answer should be, like, get drunk and call tech support. So that’s out of my system, now I can move on with my life.

I’ve told a few people this, but I think it’s important, so I’m writing it here, for posterity(!) The context in which you definitely believe that a person is NOT just being polite when they assure you that you’re not fat is: when that person is giving you a piggyback ride. I learn so many important things at bootcamp. But the most important thing, they have yet to teach me. That thing is: how to elbow motherfuckers in the teeth. I feel that will have the most practical applications in my day-to-day life.

Today I wore a headscarf and a hoop earring and I meant to be a gypsy but instead I think I wound up looking like a pirate. A pirate with a hulahoop.

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Filed under bootcamp, exercise, stupid jokes

Good night’s rest

I had a terrible sleep last night! I fell asleep super-drunk around midnight, and woke up still drunk at 3am. I then laid awake for hours as I slowly cycled from drunk to hung over. It’s a fascinating process that makes you pray for death! The figurative death of sleep, anyway. So actually not remotely death.

On the upside, bootcamp was fabulous. I got to be a bench while my partner did inclined pushups on me! Then I gave a (very muscular) woman a piggyback ride around a field. Am I badass yet?

In the end, I didn’t drink a bottle of soy sauce after my workout. You win this round, Society.


Filed under bootcamp, exercise, shenanigans


OK, great idea!  My mom suggested I drink Gatorade instead of water after a workout, because sweat somehow includes electrolytes.  Now, to me, sweat tastes like salt, so I figure I what I really need is something with sodium.  My point is, after working out, I will now drink a bottle of soy sauce.

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Filed under exercise, great ideas, stupid jokes

My plum.

The plum I’m eating tastes like booze.  Is this right?  Has my plum gone bad?  I’m not going to stop eating it… but it probably has totally gone bad.

Bootcamp was this afternoon, and I want to die less than ever.  Progress!

Bellydancing last night.  Monique kindly checked the studio for cameras when we suggested she was just trying to make us look stupid.

Alas, it is time to finish my totally skanky plum.  Exciting first blog post, over here.

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Filed under bootcamp, dancing, exercise, fucking inanity