Monthly Archives: February 2011

Maple Sugar Shack!

Went on a road trip up to the Sugar Moon Farm with Kathleen, Monica and Naomi for the purpose of eating maple syrup, with perhaps some things to wrap the maple syrup in.  Oh my.  We did the ‘pouring the hot maple syrup on the snow’ thing, which is the best thing ever.  I remember from my halcyon childhood, we would make it spell out our initials or whatever, but in this case we took a popsicle stick and made, like, a lollipop of pure, warm maple syrup with some snow mixed in, and it was pretty much just bliss, right there.  I got pancakes with maple syrup, and a hot chocolate with rum and maple whipped cream, and a biscuit with maple butter.  You would think this would be too much maple, but you would be wrong.  If I die by drowning in a vat of maple syrup, you will know that I died happy.

We also took a tour of the maple shack.  Sadly, we’re not quite in season, so it wasn’t really functioning.  That meant the Evaporating Room, rather than being a warm womb of maple steam, was actually just a freezing shack.  Not that I was looking forward to a maple steam bath OR ANYTHING!  The tour was really aimed at kids, so the four Masters students politely stood by quietly and learned about maple.

We also tried to go to the Anna Swan Museum in Tatamagouche, but it was closed, so instead we went to Big Al’s Restaurant, which had an Anna Swan exhibit and also food, because we totally weren’t planning on stuffing our faces completely full at the Sugar Shack an hour later, no.  We learned many important things about giants, human nature, and how Shannon just will not tolerate people mispronouncing Tatamagouche.  My theory is that people pronounce it like it’s French, when actually it’s Mi’kmaq.  And I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and it actually is from a Mi’kmaq word, so my half-assed folk etymology panned out!  Whoo!  Also, Wikipedia says I pronounce it right.  Justified by Wikipedia!  Man, that should be a new internet acronym.  jbw: Justified by Wikipedia.  I bet it’ll have a lot of application, once it catches on.

In other news, I have worked out Not At All this week.  Wait, no!  I did carry a table piggyback-style that Kathleen and Monica found on the side of the road back to their house after brunch the other day.  Does that sentence work?  I guess, more importantly, did you get all the elements from it, Internet?  Fine, good.  I carried a table down the street for a while.  It was a super-cute fifties-looking thing, and really little, just for two people.  And by the side of the road!  Surprisingly easy to carry once I got it into a good position on my back.  Piggybacks, man, I tell you, they make everything better.  I was really tempted to try to get on the bus with it, though.  “This is my brother.  He’s disabled.

Other than that, Reading Week, I’m all over the place, no working out to speak of, eating candy and pancakes all day.  Oh my, this is not good.  Well, I’ll get back to the club soon enough!

I hung out with my nephew and made good on a promise to play board games with him.  I had expected Trouble, because Trouble rules, but apparently a six-year-old is capable of losing a Trouble game (how?) so instead we played the Pokemon board game, and I got my ass so kicked.  I was baffled as to how Tyler could be beating me so badly at a game that was all chance, but my brother just told me that Ty cheats, the clever little thing, so now I feel better.  Of course, now the question is how a six-year-old was cheating me without my noticing.  I’m stupid no matter how you cut it, is the basic issue.

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Tournament Girl!

So, I had my very first tournament today, in grappling.  I totally did not win anything, because I am a silly thing, but I got spirit, yes I do.  Whoo!  I fought twice, and got choked once.  Didn’t get submitted in the first fight, and the lady I was fighting was way more advanced than me, so I’m pretty excited about that.  I had a pretty clear goal going in: Get any points.  And I did, in fact, get any points (in fact, I got 2).  That’s actually not good or anything, but I am pretty happy nonetheless.  Because I attained a goal.  A really low goal.  Yay me!

I was actually really nervous right before the fight.  It was weirdly like exam anxiety.  I was on YouTube in the morning, looking up submissions, like cramming for a test.  “Fuck, fuck, is the Americana pulled upwards or downwards?  Fuck!”

I will put up pictures of me getting my ass kicked (but not actually kicked because we don’t do kicking in grappling) as soon as I get them off other people’s cameras.  That’s another things about grappling!  I kickbox four times a week, and only grapple once!  It’s really hard to compete in my less-dominant mindframe.  Also, while waiting to fight, Michael was showing me pressure points, which only added to the confusion.  Life is difficult with competing martial arts.

Oh yeah, I made a joke about how I abandoned my baby with my submachine gun because they both got too heavy, I should really go back and check on how they both are.  Just to illustrate how every joke I make seems to go back to my fictitious abandoned baby.  It lives at the mall, raised by the Orange Julius people, and now it has a submachine gun and is out for revenge.  A few more jokes like this, and I’ll have a new Tale Of.

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Valentine’s Yoga!

We had partners yoga for Valentines, so Kathleen was my yoga valentine.  I am really sucky at partners yoga, of course, but it is ridiculously fun.  My problem is I tend to freak out as soon as my feet leave the floor when a person picks me up.  I can give piggybacks until the cows come home, but I whine like hell if someone gives me one.  Also, for all my badass pushups, I am bad at benchpressing a person.  This must be fixed.  Anyway, Shanna had a lot of fun making all the poses into two-person poses, she’s a cool instructor.

My grappling tournament is in, like, three days!  My brother called me yesterday and said he wants to compete, too.  Yay!  I didn’t know he could grapple, his formal training is all in Karate Kenpo.  But it turns out he has some informal grappling, and the tournament is open, so he’s coming in.  He was worried he may go up against me, and was all, “I can’t get beat up by my little sister, I just can’t”, but men and women are separate (like God intended), so we’re good.  So, now I’m imagining some comic-book scenario in which my brother and I fight crime.  Or perpetrate it, I’m cool either way, I just want to wear a mask and have family time.

Other important grappling news!  I finally got a recruit!  I’m always trying to get, like, every woman I know to come to the women’s grappling class, and one of the ladies I bug finally came.  Judy, from kickboxing class.  Oh yeah, I’m gonna make a fellow MMA fighter, this will be awesome.  Maybe we can fight crime.  Really just looking to be Wolverine, here.  This is how I assess every single situation I encounter.

Fun thing at work!  I mentioned this article to my boss, about a legal guide to the apocalypse in New York, and he was all, “Hey, we should buy that!”  So I actually led to a book being bought at the library.  This is what being relevant feels like, my word.  I’m just bragging here, you can ignore me.

Oh yeah, I also accidentally revealed today that I’m an alien spy, sent under deep cover.  The problem, you see, is that whenever I try out a new hairstyle, I don’t really know if it’s a way humans actually wear their hair.  So I had to ask if I had a human hairstyle today.  I did, as it turned out, but the secret’s out.  Now, to return to the lonely vacuum of space.

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Filed under family, grappling, Uncategorized, work, yoga

The Tale of Moon-Girl

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived on the moon, in a house full of bees.  The bees were also stars.  Every night, when the sun left the sky, Jane the Moon-Girl would open the door and let all the bees out of her house, and they’d fill up the sky and be stars.  When that happened, she’d steal their honey, and sell it to an ogre that lived on the other side of the moon.  The ogre was the sun, and he needed to eat the star-bees’ honey to stay strong for his long commute around the Earth.  If he didn’t eat that honey, everyone on Earth would die a cold, dark death.

Unfortunately, the star-bees did not appreciate having their honey stolen and eaten by an ogre.  Star-bees are actually kind of racist, against ogres at least.  Ogres and gnomes, if you really want to know.  Jane the Moon-Girl was getting pretty paranoid, sleeping in a house full of bees with a grudge against her.  They just watched her, buzzing to each other behind her back like bitches.  The Moon was getting dull and dusky, because she was too tired to clean it properly.  Even her former best friend, Barbara the Bee, wasn’t speaking to her.  Not a tenable situation here.

She decided to talk to the only sympathetic Moon denizen left, the ogre.  He offered to take her on a ride around the Earth on his back, so she could have some time away from the bees, just a little distance.  Having roommates can be hard, and a short vacation can be helpful.

So Jane the Moon-Girl climbed up on the ogre’s back, and he flew into the air and started his trip around the Earth.  Unfortunately, he was the sun.  He grew brighter and brighter, and hotter and hotter, and he was the most beautiful thing in the whole universe, but Jane just couldn’t hold on any longer!  She let go, and feel into the Pacific Ocean.  She fell so fast and hard, she punched a hole right in Hawaii, and made a volcano.  The ogre didn’t even notice.  The sun is generally well-meaning, but pretty oblivious to details.

Does this story need a moral?  Don’t get into cars with strange men, you don’t know where you’ll end up.

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The Waterpolo that wasn’t

I was all het up to play some innertube water-polo tonight, and I showed up and our team wasn’t on tonight!  So sad!  I swam precisely one lap anyway, because my bathing suit was new and it was getting wet, goddammit.  Swimming in the Dal pool is less fun than the public pool with the nephews, because everyone swims in polite lines and I’m freaked that if I screw up a line someone will yell at me.  All I want to do is a cannonball.

Kickboxing!  This week is my week of learning new kicks.  On Tuesday I did some crazy hopping-on-one-foot kick that is really powerful once you get over the fact that you look like a cartoon character.  Tonight we did a variety of side kicks, which I was rocking pretty hard at.  Gerald was trying to get me to kick him with full power at chest-level, which is really hard.

In yoga, the instructor, Shanna, got me to try the sleeping yogi pose.  I almost got it, too!  I think I had my feet behind my head (honestly can’t remember), and I think if I give myself more time to work at it, I’ll actually be able to get my shoulders through my legs.  Sweet-ass!  It was so weird, anyway.  I was struggling really hard to get my shoulders through this circle made by my thighs, and just as I thought, “Holy crap, this is like I’m giving birth to myself” Shanna said, “Give birth to yourself!”  So I guess that’s the point of the pose?  I think the other point is that, if I ever get it, I need a photo of it to immediately become my new Facebook profile picture.

Some discussion of the art of job interviews, lately.  Some interviewers purposefully say mean things to test the candidate’s response to stress.  I think I should never perform interviews, because my version of this would be something like, “As soon as you sat down, and I looked in your eyes, I knew it was true love.  Fuck the job, just marry me.”  What else could I do?  Oh my, this could be fun.  “I need a kidney.  No, I’m not sick.  No, I don’t work for a charity.  Kid, stop asking questions.  Either tell me your blood type or get to the nearest homeless shelter with some ether and a hatchet.”

Also, if anyone reading this is ever in a job interview, and it’s going really well, and the interviewer says, “Well, informally, you have this job”, I will pay you money if you fart right there.  Juvenile, yes, but that’s what makes it so delicious.

Made valentines today in a crafternoon-type setting in the common room.  It will surprise no-one that my valentines are as ridiculous and stupid as everything else I make, but they have glitter glue, and dammit that is what’s important.  It’s the thought that counts.  And all my thoughts are of glitter glue.

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Filed under exercise, job search, kickboxing, yoga

Operatic UFC!

I have been having some fun times since the last time I chatted with you people, let me say!  Last night, I went to my first opera, and saw my first UFC match!  I wore the same outfit, too, because I figured Bubba Ray’s Sports Bar could do with some class.  (Dammit, I own a tuxedo jacket, and I will wear it.)

So, opera!  I learned, when people are singing in that crazy operatic tone, I cannot understand a flipping word.  Well, maybe I got, like, 1/20 of the words, tops.  The fact that it was Dido and Aeneas, set in a high school, without changing the plot to fit the setting for some reason, did not help.  And then, at the end, Dido got up on her funeral pyre and did not set her goddamned self on fire!  That was the one thing I was looking forward too!  Who the hell builds a funeral pyre and then stabs herself?  Prom Queen Dido, apparently.

But UFC was awesome, so awesome.  I went with junior kickboxers (also went to the opera with them), and they were excited I was there because I’m the only grappler in the group.  So I could explain what was going on whenever the fight went down to the ground.  I’m useful!  Anyway, I never really got the whole sports bar thing before now, but it’s seriously fun!  We all yelled at the screens during the boring parts, and cheered during the awesome parts, and it was great.  I really want to talk to people about the cool parts, too.  The boring parts sucked, but when it got great, it was so great.

I did grappling today, and I had a bit of a weird little breakthrough.  We do this thing called pummelling, which is demonstrated here.  Basically demonstrated, anyway, the way I do it I grab on really tight, but whatever.  It’s basically hug-dance fighting, and for some reason I have been completely crap at it, until today!  I just got it!  Anyway, I’m just happy.  It makes up for the fact that I was learning some other thing where I flip my partner over her head and onto her back while I’m doing a shoulder stand under her and I was really shit at it and hurting my partner and I just had to stop because I was not getting it.  It is hard to tell directions when you’re upside down and spinning!

Kickboxing yesterday!  I didn’t have any need to wear my head gear, but I did put on my shin guards.  As soon as I put them on, I told Gerald they made my legs look fat and I didn’t want them anymore, so that is my new joke about shin guards, be ready for that.  In reality-land, though, they make my legs sweat like a police informant.  Who would expect heavy, leather encasements for your legs would cause sweat?  I am baffled.  In the end, we didn’t do kicks so I had them on for nothing, but Tammy had fun kicking my legs anyway, so I’m happy!  We also did a drill that was all about blocking uppercuts, over and over again.  Holy crap, hard on the boobs.  My awesome sportsbra has padding for extra protection, but it still hurt.  I need some kind of Xena bra, that’ll help.  Solve every problem I’ve ever had, probably.

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Snowed in!

I had an excellent Sunday.  No grappling because of the tournament (which actually wound up getting entirely cancelled for everyone six hours before it started because the guy running it is the sketchiest sketch to ever sketch), no work because I got my shift covered.  It was my first Sunday off in ages.  I celebrated by doing what you apparently should do on the Lord’s Day, which is goddamned nothing.  Nothing but profanity, because I’m sure Jesus is cool with that.

I missed more kickboxing this week (terrible girl!) but I finally got back tonight, yay!  I got my new gear!  I ordered shin guards and head gear (not exactly like the links, but same brand and close enough).  Gerald got me the head gear with a ponytail holder, which is completely adorable.  Kristian made the comment, “Now you can get hit in the head” and I was all, “I know, yay” and then suddenly, “Oh wait, crap.”  So now people can hit me in the head during sparring.  It will make me less lazy about dodging, anyway (when I get tired, I tend to just let people hit me).  The shin guards mean I can get kicked in the legs, which is less of a thing.

I spent the better part of this week snowed in at Michael’s place in the country, but I didn’t miss too much because everyone else was snowed in, too.  Success!  I did absolutely nothing constructive.  Oh wait!  I helped shovel a driveway.  Constructive things = 1.  Go me.  It was pretty big for me!  I live in an apartment, shoveling driveways has become a pretty foreign concept to me!  Other than that, it was a lot of rough living, trapped under the piles of snow.  All that foie gras and wine, the mountain of chocolate, really difficult circumstances all around.  But really, we didn’t lose power at all out in the rurality, and when I got back I found all my clocks flashing, so I’m guessing Halifax did.

(I thought I made up the word ‘rurality’, but it appears 1,620,000 on Google, so I guess I lose the word game this round.)

Now I’m going through my RSS feed, which has been building up for quite a while.  If you notice a crazy number of links posted to my Facebook, it’s because I’m only finding them now!  And they’re still cool three days later, dammit!  Probably still relevant, what do I know?

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