Tag Archives: bingo

Banana Superman!

So many shenanigans this week, I barely know where to start.  Sex Toy Bingo with classmates on Wednesday night.  This is, playing bingo for sex toys, and instead of shouting out “bingo” you shout out some sex term that the bar agreed on beforehand.  Basically it gave us disturbing insight into what some people consider to be sex terms.  Anyway, I didn’t win anything, alas.  I never win bingo.  Of course, I never go to normal bingo.  I’ve gone to this and Trailer Park Bingo, that’s pretty much it, ever.  I like it when I don’t have to pay for the cards, and also I can be drunk if I want.

Oh man, this was not the classiest bar, and I asked Steph to get me some white wine.  Apparently this was the exchange at the bar.

Steph: Can I get some white wine?
Bartender: White… wine?
Steph: …yeah.
Bartender: Um… Wha… *asks boss* Do we have white… wine?

So, yeah, in the end I did not get wine.

Thursday was St. Patrick’s Day!  This apparently translated into morning drinkin’ with Steph and various other Newfoundlanders.  I’m pretty sure Paddy’s Day is the one day of the year that getting drunk in the morning is socially acceptable, so it’s cool to blog about it.  Anyway, we were to Durty Nellie’s and had an enormous breakfast that was probably as authentically Irish as you can get without beans.  I drank wine, because I am a complete lameass.  The Newfoundlanders were explaining to some Navy guys at one point that I count as cool because I’m from rural Nova Scotia, but I was sitting there with glass of chardonnay, so I don’t think I was really selling it.

Oh yeah, by the end of the morning I was done drinking, as wine goes faster than Guinness.  So this is apparently my idea of appropriate ordering in a bar:

Steph: Guinness.
Shawn: Coffee.
Shannon: Cheesecaaaaaake!

The bad thing about morning drinking is the afternoon hangover.  And I had kickboxing to do!  Oh my.  I skipped a couple of classes this week because of homework, and I was not skipping Thursday’s, hangover or not.  Ah, it wasn’t too bad.  We were doing this thing where we fling ourselves out of the way of a punch, which we do a lot (called a ‘slip’), but this time practicing doing it really fast, with the idea of punching our opponents before they were finished punching us.  I was sucking hard at it, but last night we did it again and I was much improved.  Hurrah!

Holy crap, holy crap, last night’s kickboxing involved what might be the funniest exercise I ever have seen.  It’s called something like the Superman/Banana.  You start out on your stomach, and you raise your arms and legs just barely off the ground.  Hold for five.  Then you roll onto your left side without using your limbs, still keeping your arms and legs bowed up off the ground.  Hold for five.  Roll over onto your back, arms up above your head, barely off the ground, legs barely off the ground.  Hold for five.  Then onto your right side, do the same thing.  Then you roll all the way back, the same way you came!  An entire roomful of people doing this is a thing that I’m pretty sure needs to be filmed.

After last night’s class, I got a bit of extra grappling practice.  Gerald helped me out with some takedowns, because I am complete shit at takedowns and I was whining about it.  Seriously, in rolling I pretty much just wait for the other person to take me down so I can do ground stuff.  Not good form at all, Shannon.

Today involved a trip to the Dartmouth Farmer’s Market.  In a related story, I finally got to eat one of those Two If By Sea croissants.  Holy crap, enormous and delicious.  I’d just had lunch, but I was ridiculously determined to eat to entire chocolate croissant immediately, because I figured that a half-eaten, cold croissant wouldn’t be as nice four hours later.  I will never be proven wrong, either.  Because I will never leave one of those croissants half-eaten.  My logical systems are goddamned perfect, is what they are.

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Filed under exercise, fucking inanity, grappling, kickboxing, shenanigans

Ottawa! / Hurricane flying is the best way to fly

I took a Labour Day Weekend trip to Ottawa to visit the fabulous Katherine.   This involved a flight booked for Saturday, which, as it turned out, was a flight booked for Hurricane Tropical Storm Earl Day.  This had numerous, numerous disadvantages, but also a number of awesome, unexpected upsides:

  • Running to the shuttle in the storm because the taxis wouldn’t answer my calls was really, really fun, and I dried off during my three hour wait at the airport.  Also, although the storm blew my skirt up a few times, no one saw because public indecency only occurs when there’s a public around.
  • A downed tree, wrapped in Christmas lights, getting dragged out of the street by a legion of strapping young men: very entertaining sight from the shuttle.
  • The greatest advantage: No lines at the airport!  Seriously, I have never, never had such an experience.  The check-in area was, like, a bunch of bored airline workers standing around at their respective posts and literally only me, alone on the other side of room.  No one in front of me at security, either.  I think every other flight but mine was cancelled.

Ottawa itself was also faboo.  Katherine is trying to sell me on the idea of moving there after I graduate, and I can definitely go for it.  We had excellent food and carousing (THIS IS CODE FOR WINE).  I bought a sassy new fedora that I will be wearing absolutely everywhere, so Halifax had better be prepared to get sick of that really fast.

We did a few tourist things.  The most important thing to me was to see the cats of Parliament Hill.  I could pretty much just chase kitties around all day, so that was exciting.

My favourite part of the trip (other than just plain seeing Katherine, of course) was Trailer Park Bingo.  Holy crap, we need this in Halifax.  We actually need to import the bingo-caller, because he really makes the event, but an equally funny MC would be great.  For those who don’t know, it’s bingo played in this dive-y bar (called Zaphod Beeblebrox, because what else would it be called?) for crap prizes bought at Value Village like a dashboard hula girl, Spice Girls poster, Titantic on VHS, etc.  The bingo-caller is a comedian with gold teeth who gets progressively drunker and more abusive.  Oh yeah!  Apparently, the grand prize winner gets to throw a bowling ball through a TV!  We didn’t stay till the end, because it goes really late, but anyway it’s the greatest thing ever.

Really fun thing about bingo: you really want to win, because winning is fun, but the prizes are so awful you really don’t want to win.  So you get closer and closer to bingo with the weird, ambivalent excitement, of, like, “Yes, yes!  Just call B6 and I’ll win!  Then I’ll get the… toy aquarium… with fake fish action… Yay?”

In other news entirely today, I decided to cut off my cable to cut costs/perhaps make better use of time this year (who I am kidding the time will be pissed away on the internet).  I’ll probably get annoyed when I want to watch TV, but that’s just tough cookies for me, now isn’t it.  My DVD player is dying a final death, so that means my TV is literally doing nothing right now.  It’s like a paperweight that’s too big for paper.  The solution to this is to get a new freaking DVD player, but that’s just too sensible.

Maggot update: No maggots spotted since last week.  Of course, I’ve been away since last weekend.  Shut up, I take my victories where I can.

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