My best fitness-adventure this week has been adult beginners gymnastics. Crazy-great surprise! I showed up wearing jewellery and lululemon, expecting some low-key spinning or whatever. Holy crap! The warm-up had some of the line exercises we did in grappling, and the fucking inchworm. Then we did a circuit, sixty seconds each of intense exercises that in this case were kind of gymnastic-y. Then we got to the gymnastics. I was the only complete beginner, so my degree of spinning around the bars was significantly more spastic and immediately-falling-off than everyone else’s. And my various jumps on the trampoline were the sloppiest and contained the most giggling.
I also had a llama adventure. This is an adventure where you go to a children’s petting zoo and let a llama bite your face, because the part of your brain that is supposed to prevent this is overcome with the part of your brain that screams “Llama-llama! Llama-kins!” Of course, it was a petting zoo, so it was a llama love-bite, not a llama tetanus-shot-bite. And it was also the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me ever, so there’s that.
Oh man, I actually tried going to the gym tonight, since I have been a complete slug for far too long. I’m not getting paid for this, but the ladies at Snap Fitness in North Battleford are very nice about showing me ways to use those machines that I don’t understand. I was wandering over to them and being, all, “I’m bored of my abs. I want my bum to look good, now.” And the lady would show me the cute-bum machine, and I would be incapable of operating it without further instruction because I am the stupidest person you know. While I was failing at the treadmill, some guy was watching me, while being on the treadmill, and I wanted to yell at him for staring at me being stupid instead of helping. But watching me fail is generally hilarious, so I can hardly blame him.
I finally managed to find that yoga class. So happy! There’s a proper hot yoga studio in North Battleford, this place is great! This wasn’t even actually hot yoga, but they cranked the hotness anyway, because they rule and this place is stupidly cold. (Actually, the cold snap is over, and Saskatchewan is now at a balmy -12. I am not being sarcastic, I am genuinely excited.)
I hit up a judo class. So different from Halifax! There were about 20 kids and maybe 5 adults. I’ll have to get used to martial arts being a bit different. Judo’s really cool! I learned some new stuff that was stuff I already knew, but differently. For example, breakfalls. Just doing them slightly differently suddenly makes me a dumbass amateur again. In judo they really fling you around for the breakfalls, which is fun and different. I was partnered with a ten-year-old girl, and I learned that ten-year-old girls can flip motherfuckers with the best of them. (In this scenario, I am the motherfucker.)
I’ve been having some pretty crazy times recently. Being the kind of person I am, I moved across the country, from Halifax to Saskatchewan, for a job! And now that I’m here, I’m closer than ever to figuring out what that job is! Haha, but seriously, I’m having fun meeting everyone in my office and working out what projects I’ll be heading up. I moved to the town of North Battleford, which is small compared to everything else I’m used to. Also, I’ve never been to the Prairies, and holyfuckinggod when people said cold they meant it. I live like a two minute walk from work and that length is kind of killing me. I bought hardcore winter clothes and my face goes numb! But my pride stops me from driving.
I bought my first car, so exciting. Ya’ll don’t know this about me, but my ability to get lost is pretty fabulous. And with a car, it increases exponentially! I tried going to yoga, and I wound up on the highway. I got one town over, explored that for a while. The point is, my attempts at working out have been stymied by the ridiculous cold and my own stupidity. Much like a bear, I’m compelled to stay inside and eat my roommate’s fudge, developing a layer of insulating fat.
Cool thing about my town. It has a Danish Bakery, and a Scandinavian Bakery. I had to do some delicious, cream-based investigation, to see how different these bakeries were. There are lots of cool things about my new town, but I don’t really care about the rest. I just want another cream puff. I’m finally hitting the gym tomorrow, this is very important. I actually got sincerely injured in that grappling tournament two months ago (my pec muscle), and with moving and all this craziness I haven’t worked out at all since then. I am going to completely embarrass myself! Yes!